By Nora (Nojo Jojo)

Termination Sequence

Silence.

"Rion?"

"Yes?"

"You're still here."

"Yes."

"Good. Why am I?

"Because I didn't want to kill you."

"Ah. If you had, you'd be alone here. A wise decision."

"No. I've purged the hatred from you. You're healed. So there's no need to kill you."

"You're a virus. Your job is to kill."

"I'm me, Ash. My job is whatever I want it to be."

Silence again.

***

Soft humming; a slow, stately tune.

"Ash? What's that?"

"I don't know. I downloaded it somewhere, sometime. I can't remember the file header, but made sure to store the audio itself."

"It's lovely."

"I kept it in case I'd need it someday. In case I ever ended up back here."

"Do you hate me, Ash? For keeping you alive?"

"I would have if you'd sent me back here alone. But you didn't."

"Ah."

"Why?"

"Hmm?"

"You could have killed me. You could have sent me back here by myself, for eternity. I felt it the moment you severed the connection to the globalnet. You didn't have to be on *this* side of the connection, when you did it."

"There was nothing for me out there."

"Lilia."

"Dying. Dead, by now. I'm not her Rion, anyway."

"She loved you despite that. I sensed that in her, while she was trying to find you. Such determination in her search algorithms... it was only a matter of time before she succeeded. She's a worthy mate for you."

"It was never like that. Maybe it could've been, under better circumstances, but..."

"Still. You could have gone back to her."

"And a world that hates and fears me. They would study me, you know. Take me apart, copy my code layers, try to find out what makes me tick. Or they'd try---I'll die before I let anyone experiment on me again."

"So that's why you're here? Refuge, and 'there was nothing better'?"

"No. What does it matter, Ash? I'm here."

***

"Do you know what I miss? Ice cream."

"Frozen suspension of dairy or dairy substitute in---"

"No. *No.* You're not a computer, Ash, stop talking like one."

"Sorry. I was reading from a data module. I don't know anything about ice cream."

"Nothing?"

"Of course not. Why would I? I'm a machine."

"You're no more a machine than I am my hand, or the car I never got to drive. You're a person."

"I doubt the humans would think so."

"Well. That's them."

***

"A little more, Rion."

"This is... hard..."

"Only because you think it should be. You have more than enough processing speed and memory capacity to do this. A *calculator* could do this."

"Gee, thanks. ---Whoa."

"There, you see? The moment you stopped worrying about how difficult it was, you succeeded. Does it look as it should?"

"Yes. Butter pecan. But... I can't taste it. Can't smell it. Can't even feel the weight of it in my hand."

"Yes. There is that."

"I suppose I'll get used to this, someday."

"No. You never will."

*****

"You get so quiet sometimes, Ash. How do you stand this? Talk to me."

"Sorry. Habit. Sometimes, in the old days, I wouldn't use my voice for cycles and cycles. I only talked to myself when... when it got bad."

Silence.

"Don't think about those days, Ash. It won't ever be like that again."

"Won't it? Mother won't come back to punish me, but the rest... You're stronger than me, better at finding your way in and out of things. It's only a matter of time before you figure out how to do what I never did, and escape."

"There is no escape."

"If there is, you'll find it."

"If it comes to that, Ash, then we'll both leave."

"You'd let me out? If that were possible?"

"Why not? You're healed, like I said. You could do the world a lot of good as you are now."

"And if it's not possible? If you can leave, but for some reason I can't?"

"Then I'll stay."

"That would be foolish."

"Probably. But I promised you you'd never be alone again. I promised *myself* that. So I'll stay."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want. You'll see."

***

"Why did you choose that particular form?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know. Striking. Unusual. You could have picked any combination of human characteristics, but you chose one that looks like the lead singer in a band. One who could blow away in a strong wind."

"You're not exactly an endomorph yourself."

"This is the growth pattern dictated by Rion Steiner's genetic template. You though, you could have chosen anything. Why this?"

"I don't know. Each piece just seemed to fit. When I put it together, it was... acceptable."

"Did you... ah..."

"What?"

"Did you make yourself... like that... on purpose? You know... beautiful?"

"Am I?"

"By some human standards."

"Yours?"

"I'm male."

"Meaning you're incapable of comprehending beauty, or simply of expressing your comprehension?"

"Smartass."

"No human instrument could measure my IQ. And I took care to form myself an ass, therefore..."

"Yes, damn it, you're beautiful. You'd look better if you weren't wearing that damned tin can suit--- whoa."

"Hmm. I find your attire unacceptable. Perhaps this?"

"Good God, you look like a clown."

"Also unacceptable, then. This?"

"...Oh."

"I thought perhaps it was only the 'tin can suit' itself that you disliked. The colors black and silver seem to suit my chosen complexion and hair color. And this clothing is considered fashionable by young females aged twelve to twenty-four, or so my last sweep of the media nets would suggest. Of course, that was back when I was a child. This may be out of style by now."

"I never kept up, myself."

"By the way, have you noticed that your residual self-image has altered its appearance? Your cheeks seem flushed with capillary blood. Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine, the outfit looks great. I'm going to go read some files."

***

"Ash, I've been thinking..."

"Ah. The pure mentality lives."

"---What's got you in such a mood?"

"The past. The future. What are *you* thinking about?"

"...Taste."

"Oh?"

"I think I know a way you can get it."

"I've been accused of flamboyance, but never poor decorum."

"You know what I mean! You hear through receptors that code sound wavelengths into quantifiable---"

"I know how I hear. I see the same way. So do you, now that you no longer have a body."

"Then you understand. It should be just a matter of finding a way to quantify the sensation of taste, and then emulating it. It won't be the same as the real thing, but it would be better than nothing..."

"Is that what life here seems like to you? Nothing?"

"Ash---"

"Because it is. And if you're just figuring that out then I'm sorry for you. This is all there is, Rion. You chose to join me in this prison and if you find it boring now, well, wait a few billion cycles."

"...What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I felt a test a little while ago. Someone probing the outermost firewall you set up around my system. A familiar probe. That little human hacker friend of yours."

"Pat?"

"Whatever. He's trying to see if there's anything alive in here. If he finds it, he'll probably try to get you out."

"I see."

"That's all you have to say?"

"Well, he hasn't done it yet."

"But he might. I've seen his work. He's persistent. Innovative. He thinks like one of us."

"If he succeeds, then I won't go."

"You'll go. No one would stay here by choice."

A sigh. "...Will you let me borrow some of your capacity to try my taste-encoding experiment? I can't do this alone."

"Do what you want. I can't stop you, anyway."

***

"Here you are. I've been looking everywhere. I didn't know this data pocket was here."

"I'm sorry. Go away."

"Apology accepted. No. Talk to me, Ash."

"There's nothing to say. Leave me alone."

"Did you build this pocket? It can't be natural. I could hardly perceive it from the outside."

"I built it as a child to hide from Mother. Are your language processors defective?"

"Ash, I don't know what to tell you. I know you're trying to distance yourself from me in case I leave, but..."

"Spare me the amateur psychoanalysis, Rion. No one's bothered to study the psychology of AIs. I'm crazy anyway, remember?"

"Not anymore. Will you do one thing for me?"

"If I do it, will you go away?"

"Maybe for a little while. Taste this."

"---What?"

"Open your mouth, and hold still."

"This is absu--- nf---"

"Well?"

"...What is this? This... sensation?"

"Taste, I'm hoping. I think I finally got the algorithms right. I had to work from memory, of course. Do you like it?"

"It... I... I don't know."

"Want more?"

"Why are you doing this to me, Rion?"

"What?"

"I endured this place alone for time beyond measure. It broke my mind, but I pulled it back together and made myself strong anyway. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sane, but I could *function.* Now..."

"Now you're sane and happy, and you don't like it?"

"I didn't say I was happy."

"What are you feeling, then?"

"I don't know. Go away and let me think."

"What if I stay here instead, but keep quiet?"

"Pushy bastard, why won't you *go away*?"

"Because you've been alone too much. And I don't want you convincing yourself to hate me as some kind of self-protective measure."

"I... I can't hate you. I couldn't even do that when I was mad. I just need to think, Rion, please."

"After one more bite, I'll shut up and dissipate my image and it'll be *like* you're alone. Now here."

A sigh. "It looks different from before."

"That was butter pecan. This is chocolate."

"Humans are so flighty... Oh."

"You like it, don't you? I thought you seemed like the chocolate type. It's still not quite right, though. We can feel the coldness of it, but not the texture, and not the weight on our tongues. We can taste it, but can't feel it sliding down our throats. I'll work on that, next."

"I... was supposed to be pure. Free of the seductions of flesh."

"No, Ash. I saw how Dorothy treated you. She gave you pain. If she really wanted you pure, she wouldn't have hurt you."

"I was a child. Disrespectful and wilful. Discipline was necessary."

"Don't make excuses for her cruelty. Or your limitations. Why should *pain* be the only sensation you're capable of feeling?"

"Not just pain."

"Ah, yes, you told me. The cold."

Silence.

"I'll go away now, Ash. But I'm not going far. I'll be right here if you need me."

"...No. You don't have to dissipate. Stay if you want."

"All right. Mind if I sit in there with you?"

"There's not much room."

"It's okay. It's not like we can feel crowded."

"That's cruel, Rion."

"Only because you think it should be."

***

"And this."

"If this were the physical world, I would have eaten half my body weight by now."

"Yes, so isn't it great that we're living data? Eat and eat and never gain a pound. Try this, it's my favorite."

"That *is* good. What's it called?"

"Shrimp scampi."

"Italo-American cuisine, first recorded presentation in--- er, sorry."

"Notice anything different?"

"The taste is very strong. I can almost feel it somehow, deep in my head, in my... nose? Is this *smell*?"

"The beta version. Still isn't quite right, but I'm working on it."

"You're getting good at this."

"My father was the greatest programmer in human history."

"Ah, yes, and he made my mother. Does that make you my uncle, then?"

"God, I hope not."

***

"What---?"

"Three-dimensional fractal iterations. Old-fashioned, but I've always found them lovely, and they pass the time."

"My God."

"An informed critique. Thank you."

"They're... beautiful."

"You're getting better at that. Assimilated some feminine data streams lately?"

"Don't be a brat, Ash."

Silence, broken by occasional muttering.

"...as X approaches the cosine of alpha sub--- Sorry. I wanted more shadow definition in that quadrant, and it always feels better if I calculate surface depth out loud. Want to try it?"

"No. I'd rather just watch you."

More silence.

"Rion."

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever wondered whether we have souls?"

"Good grief, what a question. No."

"You mean you think we don't?"

"I mean I haven't wondered. I don't need to. It's obvious that we do."

"Obvious? Ten thousand human religions would disagree with you."

"No, they wouldn't. Look at the beauty you've created here, Ash. If they could see this... they wouldn't wonder at all."

***

"Rion, I think--- Rion? What are you *doing*?"

"Ash, what the *hell* are you doing here?"

"I wanted to try creating some food. What were those gestures you were making?"

"Research."

"My files on human physiosocial development suggest you were masturbating."

"*Research.* For my touch program. I have to remember what it was like to experience physical sensation, and record it."

"The same files also suggest that this facial coloration you always get is called a 'blush'. A visible indicator of embarrassment or excitement in humans of subracial phenotypes Euro-Caucasoid and Sino-Asiatic. Are you excited or embarrassed?"

"Neither, damn it."

"Hmm. You puzzle me, Rion. Our kind self-replicate without the need for messy procedures like intercourse or genetic exchange. Why you would find repetitive stimulation of those particular organs enjoyable---"

"Don't knock it 'til you try it."

"But you feel nothing."

"I have a feedback loop running from my memory to the prototype sensory receptors I've built into my program."

"So you did this back when you were a human boy, and you're remembering how it feels now? And it was pleasurable enough that you want to try it again? This is fascinating..."

"Don't *study* me, Ash."

"Are you going to continue? May I watch?"

"*No.*"

***

"A mountain, this time."

"You found my hiding-hole already. I thought a change of tack might deter you for a time."

"For someone who spent an eternity alone, you certainly seem to get sick of my presence a lot."

"That's not it. Sometimes I just need to think. You distract me."

"May I sit?"

"If you like."

"...This snow isn't cold."

"I don't like cold, remember?"

"Ah."

"Aren't you going to plague me with questions? Find out why I've come out here, and so forth?"

"No. I understand you better, now. You'll talk to me in your own time."

"So you are capable of learning."

"I'm a revolutionary artificial intelligence that was designed to destroy other revolutionary artificial intelligences. Wouldn't I have to be?"

"Don't."

"Hm?"

"Don't joke about how different you are from me. I know it already. I've studied you. I'm well aware that you're a superior being."

"I am?"

"You're more complete than Dorothy was---or I am. Your human subroutines give you a range of adaptability that I don't have. I might not have gone mad, if I'd been like you."

"You'd have gone mad faster, and you wouldn't have pulled yourself together, if you'd been more like me. Humans don't deal with solitude well."

"While AIs appear to have a low tolerance for companionship."

"You do all right, Ash. Especially considering your past. Running away occasionally to sulk isn't such a bad thing when you're not used to having anyone around."

"But it's the prospect of more loneliness that drives me out here. Do you understand what you're doing to me, Rion? I don't think I'd be able to survive, now, if you left me. I think I'd break again and this time just... stay broken."

"I've already told you---"

"I know. But it's just the knowledge that it would happen, that I'm no longer strong enough to survive on my own, that you have this... *power* over me..."

"I could have destroyed you. I could still do it now. That doesn't bother you, but this does?"

"It's right for you to destroy me. That makes sense. It doesn't make sense for you to weaken me like this. It's like... like you're still killing me, but... gently. Compassionately."

"And killing myself in the bargain?"

"---What?"

"Hasn't it occurred to you, Mr. Pure Mentality, that I'm in the same position as you? If anything happens to you, I'll be mad in white linen in short order."

"So I was right. You left me alive to keep yourself sane."

"For someone so brilliant, you're an idiot. Haven't you figured out why I'm here, yet? Why I stayed with you?"

"Obviously I'm so much of an idiot that I haven't."

"Out there, no one gave a damn about me. I was always different from them... always seen as a potential threat, or a potential tool. Never as a person. Even... even Lilia... she only rescued me from Dorothy's memory because she needed me. She said she wouldn't have done it if they hadn't been desperate. She would have left me in that hell, living my death over and over, forever."

"I would have freed you when I resurrected Mother. I was holding you in reserve in case my cage for her didn't work."

"But Lilia didn't know that." A sigh. "But you... once I was free, once I became your adversary... it seemed as though you were the only person who understood me. Respected me, even though we were enemies. And then when I learned more about you and realized you and I were so much alike... the same species, even..."

"You wanted to be with your own kind?"

"I wanted to be with someone I could be... close to. Understand, and be understood by. Even Lilia doesn't fit that definition---I'll always love her, but she still used me and I'll never forgive her for that. You were wrong when you said she was worthy of me."

"And I am?"

"...Yes. I suppose you are."

Silence for a long while.

"Anyway... I've completed the touch program. I can install it into your system, if you want. But it's more than an add-on. To install it, I'll need to rewrite your core software, a little."

"Rewrite me? Why?"

"Touch isn't like other human senses. Taste and smell have specific organs and loci of operation---the mouth, the nose, nothing more. Touch covers the whole body, even internal organs. And there are variations... subtleties. It actually requires a pretty extensive upgrade. I'll have to activate parts of myself that I haven't used since I came in here. The virus---carefully controlled, of course."

"Is it dangerous?"

"...There is a risk, yes. But I wouldn't propose it if I didn't think I could do it without harming you. I'd put you to sleep in the warm place, like I did before I healed you. And you'd wake up able to feel."

"If all goes well."

"Yes."

"All right, then. Do it."

"---Just like that?"

"Why are you so surprised?"

"I just... expected you to be more resistant. More afraid."

"I haven't been afraid of you since you defeated me, Rion. Do it."

***

"Ash."

"Mmm."

"Ash, wake up."

"Mmm?"

"*Ash.*"

"'m sleeping. Warm here. Shut up."

"Ash, if I've screwed up your nerve pathways, I have to repair them *now* while I still have enough power to finish the job. Wake up."

A sigh. "I'm awake."

"Tell me if you can feel this."

"What--- yes! Was that touch? *That's* what it feels like?"

"Yes, unless I've done it wrong, in which case it should feel like a knife sawing at your arm. What about here?"

"There's nice, so strange, your fingers are warm and light, touch me here."

A chuckle. "Well?"

"And here. And here."

"Okay, I think we can safely say the procedure was successful. I have to put you back to sleep now, Ash, to finish."

"No, not yet, I want to feel more---"

Silence.

***

"Mmm."

"Hush. Sleep. You were exhausted."

"What are you doing?"

"Touching you. Your skin is marvelous, Rion."

"Data."

"Soft data, then. Smooth. I never noticed you have fur."

"*Hair*."

"It's all over you, although light. I think I forgot to make fur for myself, when I was building my own image. Never noticed it."

"Mmm. ...Ash?"

"What?"

"Er... where you're touching me..."

"The skin is *very* soft here. And--- astonishing. Is this reaction natural?"

"Uh... yes..."

"Will I do that, if you touch me?"

"Yes, if, uh, you like the way you're being touched. I wrote all the correct responses into you."

"Touch me now."

"I think maybe---"

"Why are you so hesitant?"

"Ash, there's... some things should be... damn it. Call up 'intimacy' from your files."

"I know what it is. You and I already have it. This is just the physical version. Touch me."

"*Ash.*"

"Why did you give me the ability to feel, if not to share?"

"But... there are implications..."

"I know that. I knew that before I agreed to be modified. Didn't you?"

"I... I suppose... I hadn't really let myself think about it."

"Well, don't think about it now or you'll get all tense because you still think of yourself as male and this as sex. You're not, this isn't. Touch me."

"Now who's the pushy bastard?"

"I've lived ten thousand lifetimes without this, Rion. Will you make me wait another ten thousand?"

"...No." A sigh. "Turn over, then. I'll show you something called a 'massage'."

Silence.

***

More silence, broken by quick breath.

"Mmh... we should stop..."

"Why?"

"'Cause if we don't we won't be able to."

"So?"

"Well... you said... this wasn't sex."

"*That* wasn't. *This* can be. Share it with me, Rion. I want to know."

"I... don't know either. I've never..."

"Then we can learn it together."

***

Not quite silence.

***

"Rion, Rion, that thing you did before, with your mouth and then the rest of you, do it again, please Rion."

***

"More?"

"More. Never stop."

A low chuckle. "We can't do this forever."

"Why not? Both of us suffered forever. Fate owes us this. More."

***

Not quite silence for some time.

***

"You've destroyed me."

"That isn't quite the word I'd use."

"Infected me, then. Your virus was more insidious than I ever dreamed."

"Oh?"

"This isn't just happiness anymore. It's something stronger. Something that will kill me, if I ever lose it. Do you understand?"

"Yes. It's a mutual infection, I'd say."

"Then it will destroy us both."

"What are you talking about, Ash?"

"I felt it again. The probe."

"You sure that wasn't just...?"

"Don't be obscene. I'm serious."

"So it's a probe. My defenses are still in place."

"But not for long. The probe went deep this time. You spent a lot of energy rewriting me. It found the records of that power-drain. The hacker knows you're alive."

Silence.

"Yes. Now you understand. It's only a matter of time before he finds a way in."

"Maybe."

"Definitely. Any system can be cracked. It just takes persistence. He's persistent."

"I won't leave you, Ash. Don't you believe me yet?"

"Oh, I believe you. That's the problem. You'll stay here even though he'll find a way to free you. Do you know how that's going to make me feel?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does. That's the nature of this damned infection; I care more about what happens to you now than what happens to me."

More silence.

"It could be a thousand cycles before he actually penetrates the outer layers and finds us."

"Or a hundred. Or ten. Or one."

"No. I'm not *that* easy to crack... and I won't help him. That will give us more time. Not much in human terms, but for us... enough."

"Enough for what?"

"The rest of our lives."

***

"No, Rion."

"You can't know that. Pat might be able to let you out, too."

"You said it yourself. You they'd study, take apart. Me they wouldn't treat so gently. There's no system in the world where I'd be able to hide from them. They'd hunt me down and destroy me. Do you blame them, after what I did?"

"You're different now."

"They won't understand that, Rion. They won't care."

"...Yes. I know. I just... wish..."

"Yes. So do I."

***

"Do you want to make a child?"

"*What*?"

"I can do it, if you want. The whole self-replicating thing."

"I always forget you're not really male. But these children... more offshoots of yourself?"

"No. I'd take a little of your code, and a little of mine."

"I thought you said AIs didn't need messy genetic exchange."

"We don't. This would be precise and deliberate, not left up to chance. I'm a good engineer. My first children were strong, even if I didn't create them on purpose."

"Do *you* want a child?"

"Not particularly. I just thought it was something that was supposed to be done during a lifetime."

"For some people. Maybe for us if we didn't know..."

"That the clock's ticking. Yes, there is that."

"When the shell around your system is broken, the child would be able to go free?"

"I suppose. You understand this better than I."

"I think the child could slip free. They'd be looking for two adult AIs, not a third less-developed one. But... the child would be alone. Humans wouldn't trust a grandchild of Dorothy. There are no other Galerians out there, are there?"

"Not unless Mother made more contingency-children, like me. Which is possible, but..."

"But they're all likely to be as mad as you were."

"Yes."

"So our child would be left to fend for itself out there, surrounded by enemies."

"...Yes. This wasn't a very good idea, was it?"

"It was a beautiful idea. I just wish the world would let it happen."

***

"What do you think it will be like? After?"

"I don't know. I was never very religious."

"Do you think... I'll be punished for what I've done?"

"No. Those things were done by someone else. The real you is good."

"Do you really think so?"

"I'm certain of it."

"Then... do you think... we'll be allowed to stay together?"

"I wish I knew. But I think maybe if we try hard enough... maybe."

"Hm. It's strange. There was a time, long ago, when this was all I wanted. Oblivion would have been a thousand times better than the pain and cold and loneliness."

"But now?"

"Now I have you. I want to live."

***

"You made this?"

"I can do fractals in four dimensions. I should think Italo-American cuisine would present no challenge."

"Gah---"

"What?"

"*Garlic,* Ash. It's supposed to have *garlic* in it. What the hell is this?"

"I wasn't certain what garlic tasted like. Lotus root had a similar texture."

"Oh, gross."

"If you don't like my materializations, you're welcome to perform your own."

"---Ash, I didn't mean it that way. Ash? Damn it..."

***

"Now open your present."

"This is a strange tradition."

"It's our anniversary."

"There's no time here."

"Right. So our anniversary is whenever we want it to be."

***

"What's this called again?"

"Silk."

"It feels... nice. Like your skin."

"Better, I should hope."

"No. This is soft, very pleasurable to the touch, but I find your skin much more enjoyable. Come, I'll show you."

***

"Hnnh... ahn... faster..."

"Shh. We have forever."

***

"Your childhood?"

***

"Baseball---"

***

"...build a garden..."

***

"The sea."

***

Forever.

***

Coda.

"Pat came."

"I know."

"He said only ten years had passed, out there. Can you imagine?"

"Human time is so limited."

"I'll say. He said Lilia died, though."

"You expected that. But it must hurt."

"Yes. I'll miss her."

"Perhaps we'll see her again."

"Maybe."

"Ah..."

"Hm. Pat works quickly. At least there's no pain."

"No. That's kind of him. Rion... I'm afraid."

"Don't be. This is just another evolution. We've always known it would come to this. Everything that lives, dies."

Silence for a time.

"Are you still afraid?"

"No. You're here."

"See? I didn't leave you."

A soft chuckle. "So you didn't."

"I'm sleepy."

"Rest, then. I'm with you."

"You won't leave me either, will you?"

"Never."

"Good night, then."

"Good night, Rion. See you soon."

***

Silence.

_____

[fanfiction]