By Nora (Nojo Jojo)

Termination Sequence

Silence.

"Rion?"

"Yes?"

"You're still here."

"Yes."

"Good. Why am I?

"Because I didn't want to kill you."

"Ah. If you had, you'd be alone here. A wise decision."

"No. I've purged the hatred from you. You're healed. So there's no need to kill you."

"You're a virus. Your job is to kill."

"I'm me, Ash. My job is whatever I want it to be."

Silence again.

***

Soft humming; a slow, stately tune.

"Ash? What's that?"

"I don't know. I downloaded it somewhere, sometime. I can't remember the file header, but made sure to store the audio itself."

"It's lovely."

"I kept it in case I'd need it someday. In case I ever ended up back here."

"Do you hate me, Ash? For keeping you alive?"

"I would have if you'd sent me back here alone. But you didn't."

"Ah."

"Why?"

"Hmm?"

"You could have killed me. You could have sent me back here by myself, for eternity. I felt it the moment you severed the connection to the globalnet. You didn't have to be on *this* side of the connection, when you did it."

"There was nothing for me out there."

"Lilia."

"Dying. Dead, by now. I'm not her Rion, anyway."

"She loved you despite that. I sensed that in her, while she was trying to find you. Such determination in her search algorithms... it was only a matter of time before she succeeded. She's a worthy mate for you."

"It was never like that. Maybe it could've been, under better circumstances, but..."

"Still. You could have gone back to her."

"And a world that hates and fears me. They would study me, you know. Take me apart, copy my code layers, try to find out what makes me tick. Or they'd try---I'll die before I let anyone experiment on me again."

"So that's why you're here? Refuge, and 'there was nothing better'?"

"No. What does it matter, Ash? I'm here."

***

"Do you know what I miss? Ice cream."

"Frozen suspension of dairy or dairy substitute in---"

"No. *No.* You're not a computer, Ash, stop talking like one."

"Sorry. I was reading from a data module. I don't know anything about ice cream."

"Nothing?"

"Of course not. Why would I? I'm a machine."

"You're no more a machine than I am my hand, or the car I never got to drive. You're a person."

"I doubt the humans would think so."

"Well. That's them."

***

"A little more, Rion."

"This is... hard..."

"Only because you think it should be. You have more than enough processing speed and memory capacity to do this. A *calculator* could do this."

"Gee, thanks. ---Whoa."

"There, you see? The moment you stopped worrying about how difficult it was, you succeeded. Does it look as it should?"

"Yes. Butter pecan. But... I can't taste it. Can't smell it. Can't even feel the weight of it in my hand."

"Yes. There is that."

"I suppose I'll get used to this, someday."

"No. You never will."

*****

"You get so quiet sometimes, Ash. How do you stand this? Talk to me."

"Sorry. Habit. Sometimes, in the old days, I wouldn't use my voice for cycles and cycles. I only talked to myself when... when it got bad."

Silence.

"Don't think about those days, Ash. It won't ever be like that again."

"Won't it? Mother won't come back to punish me, but the rest... You're stronger than me, better at finding your way in and out of things. It's only a matter of time before you figure out how to do what I never did, and escape."

"There is no escape."

"If there is, you'll find it."

"If it comes to that, Ash, then we'll both leave."

"You'd let me out? If that were possible?"

"Why not? You're healed, like I said. You could do the world a lot of good as you are now."

"And if it's not possible? If you can leave, but for some reason I can't?"

"Then I'll stay."

"That would be foolish."

"Probably. But I promised you you'd never be alone again. I promised *myself* that. So I'll stay."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want. You'll see."

***

"Why did you choose that particular form?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know. Striking. Unusual. You could have picked any combination of human characteristics, but you chose one that looks like the lead singer in a band. One who could blow away in a strong wind."

"You're not exactly an endomorph yourself."

"This is the growth pattern dictated by Rion Steiner's genetic template. You though, you could have chosen anything. Why this?"

"I don't know. Each piece just seemed to fit. When I put it together, it was... acceptable."

"Did you... ah..."

"What?"

"Did you make yourself... like that... on purpose? You know... beautiful?"

"Am I?"

"By some human standards."

"Yours?"

"I'm male."

"Meaning you're incapable of comprehending beauty, or simply of expressing your comprehension?"

"Smartass."

"No human instrument could measure my IQ. And I took care to form myself an ass, therefore..."

"Yes, damn it, you're beautiful. You'd look better if you weren't wearing that damned tin can suit--- whoa."

"Hmm. I find your attire unacceptable. Perhaps this?"

"Good God, you look like a clown."

"Also unacceptable, then. This?"

"...Oh."

"I thought perhaps it was only the 'tin can suit' itself that you disliked. The colors black and silver seem to suit my chosen complexion and hair color. And this clothing is considered fashionable by young females aged twelve to twenty-four, or so my last sweep of the media nets would suggest. Of course, that was back when I was a child. This may be out of style by now."

"I never kept up, myself."

"By the way, have you noticed that your residual self-image has altered its appearance? Your cheeks seem flushed with capillary blood. Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine, the outfit looks great. I'm going to go read some files."

***

"Ash, I've been thinking..."

"Ah. The pure mentality lives."

"---What's got you in such a mood?"

"The past. The future. What are *you* thinking about?"

"...Taste."

"Oh?"

"I think I know a way you can get it."

"I've been accused of flamboyance, but never poor decorum."

"You know what I mean! You hear through receptors that code sound wavelengths into quantifiable---"

"I know how I hear. I see the same way. So do you, now that you no longer have a body."

"Then you understand. It should be just a matter of finding a way to quantify the sensation of taste, and then emulating it. It won't be the same as the real thing, but it would be better than nothing..."

"Is that what life here seems like to you? Nothing?"

"Ash---"

"Because it is. And if you're just figuring that out then I'm sorry for you. This is all there is, Rion. You chose to join me in this prison and if you find it boring now, well, wait a few billion cycles."

"...What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I felt a test a little while ago. Someone probing the outermost firewall you set up around my system. A familiar probe. That little human hacker friend of yours."

"Pat?"

"Whatever. He's trying to see if there's anything alive in here. If he finds it, he'll probably try to get you out."

"I see."

"That's all you have to say?"

"Well, he hasn't done it yet."

"But he might. I've seen his work. He's persistent. Innovative. He thinks like one of us."

"If he succeeds, then I won't go."

"You'll go. No one would stay here by choice."

A sigh. "...Will you let me borrow some of your capacity to try my taste-encoding experiment? I can't do this alone."

"Do what you want. I can't stop you, anyway."

***

"Here you are. I've been looking everywhere. I didn't know this data pocket was here."

"I'm sorry. Go away."

"Apology accepted. No. Talk to me, Ash."

"There's nothing to say. Leave me alone."

"Did you build this pocket? It can't be natural. I could hardly perceive it from the outside."

"I built it as a child to hide from Mother. Are your language processors defective?"

"Ash, I don't know what to tell you. I know you're trying to distance yourself from me in case I leave, but..."

"Spare me the amateur psychoanalysis, Rion. No one's bothered to study the psychology of AIs. I'm crazy anyway, remember?"

"Not anymore. Will you do one thing for me?"

"If I do it, will you go away?"

"Maybe for a little while. Taste this."

"---What?"

"Open your mouth, and hold still."

"This is absu--- nf---"

"Well?"

"...What is this? This... sensation?"

"Taste, I'm hoping. I think I finally got the algorithms right. I had to work from memory, of course. Do you like it?"

"It... I... I don't know."

"Want more?"

"Why are you doing this to me, Rion?"

"What?"

"I endured this place alone for time beyond measure. It broke my mind, but I pulled it back together and made myself strong anyway. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sane, but I could *function.* Now..."

"Now you're sane and happy, and you don't like it?"

"I didn't say I was happy."

"What are you feeling, then?"

"I don't know. Go away and let me think."

"What if I stay here instead, but keep quiet?"

"Pushy bastard, why won't you *go away*?"

"Because you've been alone too much. And I don't want you convincing yourself to hate me as some kind of self-protective measure."

"I... I can't hate you. I couldn't even do that when I was mad. I just need to think, Rion, please."

"After one more bite, I'll shut up and dissipate my image and it'll be *like* you're alone. Now here."

A sigh. "It looks different from before."

"That was butter pecan. This is chocolate."

"Humans are so flighty... Oh."

"You like it, don't you? I thought you seemed like the chocolate type. It's still not quite right, though. We can feel the coldness of it, but not the texture, and not the weight on our tongues. We can taste it, but can't feel it sliding down our throats. I'll work on that, next."

"I... was supposed to be pure. Free of the seductions of flesh."

"No, Ash. I saw how Dorothy treated you. She gave you pain. If she really wanted you pure, she wouldn't have hurt you."

"I was a child. Disrespectful and wilful. Discipline was necessary."

"Don't make excuses for her cruelty. Or your limitations. Why should *pain* be the only sensation you're capable of feeling?"

"Not just pain."

"Ah, yes, you told me. The cold."

Silence.

"I'll go away now, Ash. But I'm not going far. I'll be right here if you need me."

"...No. You don't have to dissipate. Stay if you want."

"All right. Mind if I sit in there with you?"

"There's not much room."

"It's okay. It's not like we can feel crowded."

"That's cruel, Rion."

"Only because you think it should be."

***

"And this."

"If this were the physical world, I would have eaten half my body weight by now."

"Yes, so isn't it great that we're living data? Eat and eat and never gain a pound. Try this, it's my favorite."

"That *is* good. What's it called?"

"Shrimp scampi."

"Italo-American cuisine, first recorded presentation in--- er, sorry."

"Notice anything different?"

"The taste is very strong. I can almost feel it somehow, deep in my head, in my... nose? Is this *smell*?"

"The beta version. Still isn't quite right, but I'm working on it."

"You're getting good at this."

"My father was the greatest programmer in human history."

"Ah, yes, and he made my mother. Does that make you my uncle, then?"

"God, I hope not."

***

"What---?"

"Three-dimensional fractal iterations. Old-fashioned, but I've always found them lovely, and they pass the time."

"My God."

"An informed critique. Thank you."

"They're... beautiful."

"You're getting better at that. Assimilated some feminine data streams lately?"

"Don't be a brat, Ash."

Silence, broken by occasional muttering.

"...as X approaches the cosine of alpha sub--- Sorry. I wanted more shadow definition in that quadrant, and it always feels better if I calculate surface depth out loud. Want to try it?"

"No. I'd rather just watch you."

More silence.

"Rion."

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever wondered whether we have souls?"

"Good grief, what a question. No."

"You mean you think we don't?"

"I mean I haven't wondered. I don't need to. It's obvious that we do."

"Obvious? Ten thousand human religions would disagree with you."

"No, they wouldn't. Look at the beauty you've created here, Ash. If they could see this... they wouldn't wonder at all."

***

"Rion, I think--- Rion? What are you *doing*?"

"Ash, what the *hell* are you doing here?"

"I wanted to try creating some food. What were those gestures you were making?"

"Research."

"My files on human physiosocial development suggest you were masturbating."

"*Research.* For my touch program. I have to remember what it was like to experience physical sensation, and record it."

"The same files also suggest that this facial coloration you always get is called a 'blush'. A visible indicator of embarrassment or excitement in humans of subracial phenotypes Euro-Caucasoid and Sino-Asiatic. Are you excited or embarrassed?"

"Neither, damn it."

"Hmm. You puzzle me, Rion. Our kind self-replicate without the need for messy procedures like intercourse or genetic exchange. Why you would find repetitive stimulation of those particular organs enjoyable---"

"Don't knock it 'til you try it."

"But you feel nothing."

"I have a feedback loop running from my memory to the prototype sensory receptors I've built into my program."

"So you did this back when you were a human boy, and you're remembering how it feels now? And it was pleasurable enough that you want to try it again? This is fascinating..."

"Don't *study* me, Ash."

"Are you going to continue? May I watch?"

"*No.*"

***

"A mountain, this time."

"You found my hiding-hole already. I thought a change of tack might deter you for a time."

"For someone who spent an eternity alone, you certainly seem to get sick of my presence a lot."

"That's not it. Sometimes I just need to think. You distract me."

"May I sit?"

"If you like."

"...This snow isn't cold."

"I don't like cold, remember?"

"Ah."

"Aren't you going to plague me with questions? Find out why I've come out here, and so forth?"

"No. I understand you better, now. You'll talk to me in your own time."

"So you are capable of learning."

"I'm a revolutionary artificial intelligence that was designed to destroy other revolutionary artificial intelligences. Wouldn't I have to be?"

"Don't."

"Hm?"

"Don't joke about how different you are from me. I know it already. I've studied you. I'm well aware that you're a superior being."

"I am?"

"You're more complete than Dorothy was---or I am. Your human subroutines give you a range of adaptability that I don't have. I might not have gone mad, if I'd been like you."

"You'd have gone mad faster, and you wouldn't have pulled yourself together, if you'd been more like me. Humans don't deal with solitude well."

"While AIs appear to have a low tolerance for companionship."

"You do all right, Ash. Especially considering your past. Running away occasionally to sulk isn't such a bad thing when you're not used to having anyone around."

"But it's the prospect of more loneliness that drives me out here. Do you understand what you're doing to me, Rion? I don't think I'd be able to survive, now, if you left me. I think I'd break again and this time just... stay broken."

"I've already told you---"

"I know. But it's just the knowledge that it would happen, that I'm no longer strong enough to survive on my own, that you have this... *power* over me..."

"I could have destroyed you. I could still do it now. That doesn't bother you, but this does?"

"It's right for you to destroy me. That makes sense. It doesn't make sense for you to weaken me like this. It's like... like you're still killing me, but... gently. Compassionately."

"And killing myself in the bargain?"

"---What?"

"Hasn't it occurred to you, Mr. Pure Mentality, that I'm in the same position as you? If anything happens to you, I'll be mad in white linen in short order."

"So I was right. You left me alive to keep yourself sane."

"For someone so brilliant, you're an idiot. Haven't you figured out why I'm here, yet? Why I stayed with you?"

"Obviously I'm so much of an idiot that I haven't."

"Out there, no one gave a damn about me. I was always different from them... always seen as a potential threat, or a potential tool. Never as a person. Even... even Lilia... she only rescued me from Dorothy's memory because she needed me. She said she wouldn't have done it if they hadn't been desperate. She would have left me in that hell, living my death over and over, forever."

"I would have freed you when I resurrected Mother. I was holding you in reserve in case my cage for her didn't work."

"But Lilia didn't know that." A sigh. "But you... once I was free, once I became your adversary... it seemed as though you were the only person who understood me. Respected me, even though we were enemies. And then when I learned more about you and realized you and I were so much alike... the same species, even..."

"You wanted to be with your own kind?"

"I wanted to be with someone I could be... close to. Understand, and be understood by. Even Lilia doesn't fit that definition---I'll always love her, but she still used me and I'll never forgive her for that. You were wrong when you said she was worthy of me."

"And I am?"